On Turning Back By Suzie Barbiere, UNHS '79​

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   It’s exactly 34 years when I left my hometown Urdaneta after graduation from high school. I vividly remember one afternoon while riding a bus with a relative bound to Manila to join my sister with an empty pocket,  a borrowed brown luggage bag with a broken zipper, half - filled with hand-me- down clothes not knowing what  kind of luck was waiting for me.  All I wanted to do was to pursue higher education no matter what. I wanted to get away and try to improve our life. My parents didn’t have the means to support me. Life was hard and it’s all up to me to decide what kind of life I would have in the future. For a newly high school graduate, with no work experience other than working as a maid, is probably the only qualification I had. But I was ready to do whatever kind of a job as long as it is an honest one and could eventually send me to school. High school life was already a challenge to me. Every day was such a struggle trying to find out where to find money for transportation and 15 pesos monthly tuition.  My family was poor and I had nobody to turn to. We were living from a hand- to- mouth existence. Life was really hard... always worrying where to find the next meal. I am the youngest in the family of six children.  My father was 

jobless and alcoholic and my mother, a very strong- willed woman, was the only one who really took care of us.                                                                                                         

  

   My parents spent all their money to send one of my brothers in college with the hope that he will help us the younger siblings to go to school later but as soon as he finished studying, we found out that he had a child and was obliged to sustain a family. Needless to say, my parents were disappointed but happy in a way to have a new member of the family especially that the baby was their first boy grandchild. Despite having a difficult life, that didn’t prevent me from having a good and memorable school life. I had good friends. I was active in school and I was quite popular. I was able to maintain my good grades despite of strong competition among the students. However, I was never the favorite in the class. Maybe,…because I was poor. But I always tried to put my head up and never let anyone   step on me.  Since I was young, I already have this strong character. That made some people not quite happy and tried all their means to put me down. It hurts when those people are closely related to you. But that was the past and has been buried for a long time…forgotten and forgiven!

   At that very young age especially in high school days, I had plenty of crushes but I never had any pretenders, to my big frustrations. I thought I was not that pretty enough for any suitor.  I only had to find out 25 years later that I had about three cute guys who fancied me. They never tried coming to see me. They confessed later that they were so intimidated by my being the school’s famous “livewire”! But that’s another story. I arrived in Manila as a newbie. My sister was kind enough to take me under her wings and took good care of me. She was able to get me a job the day I arrived in Manila in the company where she was working. That was a blessing. And that allowed me to get enrolled in a night school…and also the beginning of my city life’s adventure. Going to night school was not a piece of cake. There were many challenges along the way. It was never easy.  Working the whole day and go to school at night for many years demanded lots of courage, determination and energy. There were times that I cried and wanted to give up. It was physically, emotionally and financially draining. I wanted to please my mother and didn’t like to disappoint her. I wanted her to see me get a degree and attend to my graduation day. And it happened! I think, that was one of the best things that ever happened in my life: to see her proud and happy for me.  She was the one who inspired me and helped me move forward. And I am forever grateful for that. And of course my sister, without her helping me at the beginning, I will not be for what I am today.

   That college degree had helped me find a job in France after being a stay-home mom for a couple of years. And life was good and was even smiling at me. I met my husband when I was working in Manila.  We got married after I finished school and like in a story of a happy ending, “…had children and lived happily ever after”.  As I am sitting in my comfort zone and writing about my life, and I try to look back, I have these mixed feelings. I am so happy for what I am now. I am so full of gratitude. I am so blessed with closely- knit family. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and loving children. They are simply our pride and our treasure although they are out of our family cocoon now. But with the magic of internet…nothing is really far these days. Here we are in Tahiti, my husband and me are left as empty nesters thousands of kilometers needing to travel about 24 hours to reach the final destination, which is France. Physically, I must admit, it’s challenging. My family has got many adventures because of my husband’s job. We moved to two different places overseas: Egypt and South Korea. The children spent their good part of their childhood life.  It was a very enriching experience and we really enjoyed and took advantage of the wonderful things those countries offered. When we were in Egypt, I got involved in helping Filipino compatriots until we moved to Seoul and then back to France and even here in Tahiti. I still continue my advocacy. I have some current projects in the Philippines and am mostly focused in Urdaneta. I have this scholarship program with the out- of- school youths, the livelihood program and some books and chairs projects and also helping the local hospital in their local needs. And I am also associated with our barangay as adviser promoting health and education awareness.  

                                         
   Why Urdaneta? Well, it’s because I feel that first of all, I come from that place. That’s where I grew up. That’s where I got my first education.  That’s where my friends, family, classmates, batch mates and relatives come from whom now live all over the world and they are the ones who primarily support and help me in my projects. And besides, I miss the simple life, the simple food, the simple fun and most of all, the camaraderie that we feel when seeing old friends, families and relatives.  We are happy to find them, waiting for us. Just like the old times. We are happy to reminisce those good old days. We are happy to spend sleepless nights trying to recall happy memories together, even those trying moments, too.  With the creation of The Global Urdanetanians, many great things and special things are happening.  More fun, more interesting stories to share from members. We share our struggles, our success stories, our pains, disappointments and failures which are parts of our lives. We learn and grow from it. We share our blessings too in so many ways. This is one of the reasons why we are gathered altogether thru this medium. This is absolutely overwhelming.  And we recognize the importance of such technology invented these days. We try to connect and reconnect with one another. This is perfect for bonding. To all Urdanetanians all over the world, this is really fantastic! Getting globally united under one group is something to be grateful and proud about.  I give thanks to those people who have initiated in creating this group. This is about time to get this worth the trouble and I am happy to share them with you all.